The Destructive Habit of Seeking Validation

Yes, our globalized world and modern technology have provided us many comforts in our daily lives and brought distant people closer together. We can say without a shadow of a doubt that things are much more manageable today than they were many years before. And it’s very evident that progress and innovation have transformed our realities for the better.

However, with transformation came newer and more pressing issues, problems brought about by the changing of times. People today, more than ever, are at risk of developing destructive habits, and the more severe problems fall under deaf ears and are left in the cold silence.

One of these habits is constantly seeking the validation of others. It destroys an individual’s view of their self-value and leads them down a spiral of further hurt and pain. And to break this cycle of doubt and dread, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to teach how you can break free.

Why is it Unhealthy?

In the beginning, getting the approval of others and exceeding their standards may feel very rewarding and present itself as a perfectly normal way of living. However, this momentary, fleeting happiness is short-lived, and after experiencing your first couple of pats on the back, you will start to yearn for more. Soon enough, people will instinctively expect things from you, and the minute you slip-up, this can leave you feeling devastated.

It Makes Your Life Dependent On Others

One of the worst effects constantly seeking validation has on an individual’s mind is the concept of dependency. It ends up clouding your thoughts and prevents you from making any decision without factoring in what others will think of you. So, whether it’s posting a picture or getting a vacuum cleaning and repair service, you’ll always second-guess yourself.

It Carries Strong Negative Impacts

As a result of second-guessing yourself, when you fail to meet the expectation of others, you’ll feel as if the world in front of you is falling apart. It traps you into thinking that if others are thinking lowly of you, then your self-value plummets to a complete zero. So, instead of receiving positive feedback and encouragement, their validation becomes your demise.

woman crying while looking in mirror, upset and dissatisfied with her body image

How Do You Break the Cycle?

Luckily, breaking the cycle of validation is not impossible, and while it may take a considerable amount of effort invested, every bit of hard work you put in will be worth it in the end. Although, to preface this guide, understand that we are essentially rebuilding your self-value, which can take a short time for some but may take longer for others. So, don’t feel disappointed if change doesn’t happen overnight.

#1 Rediscover Yourself

First, you want to rediscover yourself and begin by learning more about you and what exactly is holding you back. Usually, when people seek validation from others, this stems from an insecurity that has been left to fester and grow over time. And, unless you attack this problem at its core, it may continue to grow back again.

We suggest that you get back in touch with the things you enjoy doing and use it as a way to ground yourself and prevent your mind from falling into disarray. So, whether it’s trying out a new diet because you love nutrition or catching up on your reading, fall back to these things no matter how outlandish.

#2 Rethink Your Goals

Second, you need to set yourself straight and re-establish the direction your life is going. Aimlessly reaching after other’s expectations gets you nowhere, which is why you need to rethink your goals and reaffirm your objectives in life. Personal goals will give you a target to work towards, keeping your mind busy and prevents you from entertaining the idea of what others might think.

Our advice is to bust out the pen and paper and to write down your aspirations. Writing them down will make your goals tangible and gives you a piece of paper to fall back to when times get hard.

#3 Take Two Steps Back

Lastly, if the two methods before this seem hard to do, then you can start by taking two steps back and giving yourself some space to think and reflect. A good break will set a foundation for rebuilding your self-value, and it resets the mind back to a comfortable and relaxed state.

Don’t shy away from having fun and rewarding yourself. For all you know, this could be the one thing that you needed to crack this case wide open. So, get yourself those brand-new shoes and watch that movie you’ve been planning to all this time.

As an ending reminder, remember that this is your life and not the life of others, which means only you get to decide what happens and how you choose to experience things. Don’t let others dictate what life is to you, and take back control of what is rightfully yours.

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